My twin sons turned 20 yesterday, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself think the hardest part of our life was behind us. Then someone knocked on my front door, and the man standing there dragged 20 years of silence in with him.
My twin boys were born at 28 weeks.
They were so small I was scared to touch them. Every day in the NICU felt like a prayer with machines attached to it.
They survived.
Then the doctors sat Ethan and me down and told us the damage to their eyes was severe. One of my sons would only ever see light and shadows. The other would grow up almost completely blind.
A month after we brought the boys home, he packed two suitcases.
Ethan went quiet after that. Not sad. Not numb. Distant.
A month after we brought the boys home, he packed two suitcases.
I was standing in the living room with both babies in my arms when he said, “I can’t do this.”
I thought he meant the stress.
Then he looked at them and said, “I’m still young. I don’t want this to be my whole life.”
I said, “Your whole life?”
